new perspective

Here we go- the moment my life changed.

May 5th 2007 I was in a process of rescuing a horse. As I am tying him by the fence using a nylon rope he pulled back. My hand was inside of the loop and in less then a second my daily routines as I knew them change and so did my life. The flesh of my finger tips, except the thumb litterally got sliced of the bones, think peeling the meat of a chicken bone (sorry for the unpleasant explanation but it was I was told by the doctors.)

All the tendons got torn and fingers broken. They were able to reattached two fingers but had to amputate two of my fingertips.The doctor's also informed me I might not get full function of my fingers back and most likely not bend my hand backwards for a handstand. The physical pain was so intense my body was in chock and I was put on heavy pain meds, the fear gripped a hold of my heart, mind and body, I had moments of the feeling of being beaten up inside out.

What unfolded changed my outlook on life and so did my yoga practice and they way I teach. I knew I had to confront the fear and a week later, with the support from my sister who had flown in from Sweden, I dragged myself up to the ranch to continue the work with the same horse who's spirit was broken from years of being on the racetrack.
There were times when my legs buckled and I couldn't stand, I threw up a few times and my heart was raising so fast I thought I would have a heart attack.
- All from FEAR, it's called PTSD.

Thanks to a very stubborn, strong willed, competitive personality and the doctors saying to me; you might not be able to some things….. well, tell me I can't do it I will prove you the difference.smile emoticon
And the LOVE and support pouring in from all over the world, the only thing what is different with my fingers is they look funny. Handstands -no problem but not as important to me anymore and if I one day get married it most likely will not be to be with a man how enjoy's a woman with beautiful hands.

I am so immensely grateful this happened to me. Because the love I got to experience was the kind that heals all wounds. My friends Rebecca and Anthony opened their home to care for me, nurse James and doctor Fergie came by every day to changed the bandages, strangers sent me emails with loving words. Dave Stringer donated his time for a fundraising yoga class, old friends and new wrapped their arms around me, my floor was filled with cards and checks (since in the US something like this can financially ruin you). Students who had taken my class only once 10 year prior to this wrote me. I wish I could name you all who reached out, but you know who you are. I bow to you all in gratitude.

My practice of Yoga had prepared me for this. I was present, my body was strong and my heart open to receive. This is what healed me quickly inside out and shifted my perspective forever. For the gesture from another human reaching out to help and me receiving it is the most powerful force of action there is.

But I also had to do the work. I had to show up to my body and spirit and went into fight mode that it had to get done.
No one will do it for me, I have to do it. I accepted the fact that maybe I won't own my horse but if it would come to that, I would walk away because it's MY choice. Not because fear had gripped a hold of me and take away my deepest passion -horses. I ended up buying the most beautiful creature - Romeo, my four legged soulmate.

So if you are out there in physical pain, broken heart, lost spirit…you can do it. You have to stand up. Believe you are worthy of inner peace and happiness and you can heal your wounds. Even if your body changes, you heart and soul will only get wiser. One way or another find the strength. Ask for help and receive it. For life is so precious and all we have is NOW. The next moment can change everything. You have to look fear in the eyes and like you look at a wild animal in front of you. For then fear will buckle. Not your legs. Not your heart. Not your spirit.

To all of you out there who needs it,

I send you love. heart emoticon heart emoticon heart emoticon Camilla

…my little man wanted me to play the song Happy (again) before bed. We danced, laughed and ended with a pillow war, way past his bedtime. I don't think I have ever had so much fun as I have with him. He reminds me every day what truly matters in this mad world. 
I get asked the question every day; How can you leave LA for Sweden? People living in LA wants to leave, and people in Sweden dream of elsewhere. 
It doesn't matter where you live, city of dreams, Hollywood or a small town in Sweden. It doesn't matter if it's sunshine or rain, riding horses or dancing and it certainly doesn't matter if you drive a Bentley or a Toyota. It's moments like these that matters. Happiness can be found wherever you choose to find it. We are happy and I am so very blessed.

Love Camilla

Clarity, Focus, Ease and Grace.

We are always manifesting…

Each thought we have creates an energy flow within and around us. For instance, if you are thinking: “I suck, “something is wrong with me”, I am scared” “I can’t do it” - These are low-level thoughts, has a negative tone, it’s the quality of energy you will project and what you will attract in your life.

The opposite energy occurs when you think high-level thoughts: “I am strong”, I can do this”, “I am worthy.”

You will exude energy of confidence and attract more positive experiences and energy into your life.

 Before you begin the process creating a new out look, and attract what you desire, you must take time to release the disbelief in your power to be happy.

Step 1. Clarity is key in any process of creating something new. Clear intentions of what your heart desires and what it is you want.  Avoid spending anytime on dwelling on what you don’t want, otherwise you can easily manifest just that.

Step 2. Focus on what needs to get done, get CREATIVE!

Write down ideas, read about it and get as much information you can.

For example; If you getting clear you want a new career, write down all the things about the job that would make you happy: the office, your passion, starting a new business, the kind of people you want to work with etc.  

Step 3. Ease your way into the feeling now. Put the things together and spend time every day sitting in the feeling of what it is you desire. Talk about it with friends and family you can trust, meditate on it, and breathe it.

BELIEVE IT, THINK IT, FEEL IT!

Let the thought inform the feeling and let the feeling become your energy.

The more you feel the feeling of what you desire, the more you believe it is on the way.

Step 4. Grace now it’s time to let go, continue doing the work, show up, believe and do your part.  The mistake a lot of people do when wanting something is clinging on the to the idea it has to happen right away. And if it doesn’t they often get disappointed and discouraged, the energy will then shut down. You will be tested in this process; universe will challenge you on how important this is for your wellbeing. “How bad do you really want it”?

There is no room for excuses and fears, you have no time to waist, and no one will do it for you, take the responsibility and do what you have to do.

Remember this is a quest to find happiness, ask yourself is what your doing now working? If not, then what are you waiting for?

Universe will respond when you live your highest truth. 

love Camilla

you can find happiness wherever you choose to find it...

It's such privilege to work with people everyday who are open, curious, lost, confused and wanting more out of this thing called life. We have such short time here to become the best we can be, to live the life we one day can look back on with no regrets and be proud of.

 What is the footprint you want to leave after you?

 I ask myself this often and it motivates me to live exactly how I want to live, under no restriction. Nothing is forever, I have no idea what is around the corner and what tomorrow will bring, and the power behind this thought gives me freedom to create goals, visions and dream rebelliously wild….why not?

I took me a while to realize the only person who hinders me is me. I think we all have had moments of blaming another person or circumstance for not being happy, but once I became aware, I also began taking responsibility.

Often my mind is so powerful it tosses me into the abyss of doubt, fear and confusion. Before Yoga I could stay there for awhile and seriously, what a waist of time!!

 Therefore  I have embarked on this journey to live my truth and be happy every day and in order to do so, I HAVE to show up. I have to practice, I meditate every day, its non negational for me, I live mindful with who I choose to spend time with, how I treat my body, I accept myself and my sensitivity and I forgive myself rather quickly when I react in a way that is not aligned with compassion toward myself or others.

When I received THE phone call,  I will in a few days become a mother it's feels like a phone call from universe telling me; you finally got it, you got the lesson of letting go, you stopped being afraid and attached to a certain outcome, and most of all you stopped trying to control so much. So here, enjoy you life with your son, you guys are not from blood but from even deeper  your soul. Strangely, people say with look like each other, we certainly have very similar personalties. He is my muse, my teacher, my mirror. 

My point is to this rambles:  that if we really, really REALLY want something we will have it…that's my thoughts for today, just wanted to share, that's all. Love Camilla

be wild and crazy...

"Be wild and crazy and drunk with Love,
If you are too careful, Love will not find you".~Rumi♥


I love this quote so much by Rumi



Every once in a while it’s good to get a reminder to be a little wild and crazy. To unleash whatever gets caught up in responsibilities, routines, the roles we take on and we even put our spirit behind bars because that’s safer.
Wild and crazy doesn’t mean being reckless and immature. No, it means allowing ourselves to be exactly who we are, expressing our truth and being free. No worries about future, no dwelling of past, truly experience NOW.
When we live our truth we enhance our creative power, our imagination can begin to dance and we open the door to live in love. I know it sound so cliché but I also know when I live in fear I get moody, tired and I feel separated from other people.


Questions to ponder:


When was the last time you did something wild and crazy?

What is hindering you to do so?

Are you doing something everyday you enjoy?

See what comes up when you ask these questions, don’t make them to complicated, maybe wild and crazy for you simply means going out for dinner rather then cook tonight, driving up the mountains or maybe you want to play really loud music and sing on the tops of your lungs, I love doing that!

The point is to shift and raise the energy from where it is to a higher level and when you do so, enjoy it!!!!

love love


Camilla

this is for you my love…..

….. my little muse, you inspire me to become a better version of myself, you teach me patience, you guided me back to my roots. This journey we just embarked upon will lead us to the next.
 I will do anything I possible can to give you the most life has to offer.  I hope trough my guidance  you will walk through life with respect for women, people from all walks of life, animals, the oceans and our planet. By my actions you will learn, therefor I will do my very best to live my truth, so you can live yours.

 This is for you my love:
 When life get's stagnate there is a whole world out there to explore, don't ever get stuck, don't ever settle. You always have a choice to stir things up, shake it around, do wild, crazy things and follow your heart. Be a rebel, a warrior with a humble heart.
 Don't let anyone ever let you down, fight for your rights and what you believe in and if one person says no, then go to the next.
 Live your dreams, guess what; dreams do come true.
Find your passions and go after them like mad. Always believe in miracles, they keep you connected to your soul. When you have a vision, go after it with clarity, focus, ease and grace.
 Each dot you will experience in your life will guide you to the next. The hardships and rough paths are your greatest teachers and will only challenge you to find strength you didn't know you had.
When you feel pain, know that it will pass and make sure you don't cling onto the suffering.
 Make strong, wise and truthful choices. Choices no one should ever make for you.
 Surround yourself with people who bring out the best of you, inspires you and the ones that don't, let them go, set them free with compassion and love.
 But most of all my love; play, have fun and live now, it will keep your spirit young.
 Enjoy every moment, be grateful. Life is short, you can create anything you want and remember that anything is possible…..I love you so very much.

it truly is a process

Have you ever tried to move your life and fit everything into 6 boxes and two suitcases?
 I started with three, then went to five and ending it with six...

I have red trough my fifty plus journals and let them go, I have gone trough boxes of picture's from age 0-present and laughed, cried and reminiscing.
 I have let it all go and it was scarrie and sad but even more so freeing and liberating!!
Even though I am not one to collect things due to lack of storage, I am chocked how much stuff we think we need. We all do that, maybe one day I will need this so I should to keep it.
Two words I will try to get better not to use, should  and need…. WE don't NEED anything!!! We might want it, but we don't need it.

 I have been pretty  good with handing over clothes to my girl Heather or to Goodwill trough the years but yet last night I filled six trash bags filled with clothes I haven't worn in forever. SIX!!!!
But oh maybe I will wear them one day….. NO, I won't. Someone else will appreciate them more, and maybe they actually  even do NEED them.

My motto is: If I forgot about them, they got to go.

 I allow six boxes max, so I better listen to my heart when I pack.
 I was going to sublet my house just incase of regret, but yesterday I gave my notice. I am letting it go after 15 years living in my beautiful little house.
I have a chance to start all over with everything and I want to do it right.
I want to simplify my life as much as I can and I see how long I can go with very little stuff. And for those of you who knows me, I love nice stuff…..

Just as clothes loose the quality after a few washes and picture's fade in color so does the core of our being, our body, even our cells. We get tired. We need to reset.
We all have had moments when go into autopilot mood, everything needs to happen fast, buy food from the deli at Whole foods, texting instead of calling etc... We slowly loose our creative thinking and then we get fatigue, uninspired, anxious and sometimes even depressed.

I realized after buying 9 dollar bottle pressed juicery instead of making it myself,  I have fallen into auto pilot mode and it's taking me away from my truth. I think having a toddler it might be easy to get there. Right mom's?

SO, I knew I needed to shift direction, stir things up, to reset.
 What is TRULY important I asked, What do I really, really REALLY want? If I look back on my life what will be my regret? And I got the answer. And it was very simple.
 So I decided to be brave and bold and start over. I knew I don't want to look back and remember I was to scared or to attached to shift what is not working.

I have this amazing chance to start fresh and I will not do it half fast, I will do it truly listening to my heart saying, YES you are doing the right thing,  rather then my ego whispering don't do it because change is to difficult.

I'ts beautiful to see most of my furniture going to friends, I love when they pick it up. But I have also had great interaction with strangers who have been buying stuff. One girl texted me a picture of my mirrored glass dresser I wanted SO BADLY to bring with me, even got a quote on shipping fees, but when she texted me the picture and told me how beautifully it fit her bedroom It meant more to me then to cling on to it just because I think I need it.

It's all a process, and that is the greatest lesson in all this. We can't expect to be ok with everything right away, it takes time. We have to allow ourselves to feel whatever we are feeling. But if we are present with it all, reminding ourselves how short and precious life is, we have this one chance, it actually might happen sooner then we think. Love C

saying goodbye to LA.

Here we go,

Starting the process of letting go and saying good bye.

I never thought I would say these words;

 I am leaving LA.

I’ve had a love relationship with LA since I was 18, I arrived by myself, lost, naïve and scared but very determent and anxious to get myself out in the world.

 LA wrapped its arms around me and I fit right in with all the other seekers, dreamers, loners, artists, rebels, outsiders, explorers and adrenaline junkies. It has been a fun ride filled with adventure and freedom.

 LA you helped me find my purpose, passion and love.

 However my dear city of angels, you are to me like an unavailable boyfriend who is too afraid to commit. You are always up to something, and this has been my thrill for the past 22 years. I have loved the uncertainty, not have to settle kind of a life. But I have changed and I want something different. I think I might have become an adult. :-)

You gave me the opportunity to create a beautiful life with a career which taps into my deepest purpose in life, to help people feel better.  Passion (horses) that make my spirit giggle. Finding out that I can wake up every morning being in love, in love with life.

 All this and more. I am so blessed, yes blessed to have been able to spend half of my life with you. I have nothing negative to say about you, and I have been defending you when people start complaining about you. Never understood why people stay in relationships of any kind if they are not happy.

 Anyway, I’m not leaving because I don’t love you anymore; I am leaving because I am now a mom.

 I have changed, and shifted so dramatically inside the past 19 months, I have been on a rollercoaster trying to keep up with all the emotions that arrives with being a mom, Jesper is the love of my life and I want to give him the best I possibly can. It’s time to create two things I have rejected my whole life.

Stability and security. I now crave it since becoming a mom.

In Sweden, Jesper will get to experience the land of fairies and friendly trolls. He get to fish crab from the ocean by the summer house. He will celebrate midsummer and dance the "little froggie dance"
(only the swedes will understand this one) He will be around family which in the end is the main reason why we are moving and for me what has become important.

I arrived here to have my son, this I am certain of. 

We found each other in the most beautiful and magical way which is the testimony how amazing life truly is when you live your heart and spirit and not in fear. We can truly have anything our heart desire.

Through the years living here I have met the most incredible people, some who stayed and some who left, there has been a golden thread created which keeps us connected no matter what.  I so wish I could get to squeeze all of you and say thank you for coming into my life, even if it was just for a second. But that would be impossible. This is why I wanted to write all this, to you and you know who you are.

Ok, my dear friends near and far. That was a lot!

LOVE Camilla

ps, we are leaving November 5th and I will have an estate sale where I will sell off EVERYTHING.
will let you all know date soon. 

thoughts

 In the Buddhist tradition they say; "We are our thoughts, with our thoughts we create the world".

I was 20 years old the first time I walked into a Buddhist Temple and a whole new world opened up. Just a few years later I embarked on a journey of realizing that my thoughts were not at all aligned with who I was or who I wanted to be. They were actually creating chaos inside for no other reason then that was all I knew, because that is what the mind does. It creates patterns based on experience.

Being a perfectionist I had tried really hard for years to create an imaginary past that would fit a little better into the mold of being perfect. I anxiously waited for something in the future that would make me happy now……..
This was my pattern; I dwelled on the past or lived in the future. I really never enjoyed the moment, didn't know what it meant to be present, never less being conscious.
So, with this epiphany, I became immensely aware that my thoughts basically held me hostage,  I became determent to become free.
I began the quest of finding myself, who I was behind the pattern of destructive thinking.
I threw myself into the world of meditation, became obsessed with the discipline of the practice, sat for hours at a time and even dared to join in on a silent retreat for 10 days. Yoga became my life, my body became my teacher. My body  had giving me signals all along I bluntly had ignored.

Later I would merge the Eastern thought, the mythical wisdom with the Western knowledge, the power of mind. My interest in Psychology was the missing piece of the puzzle.

 It's been 25 years and I still search, study and practice, every day. I  have found that we can truly create anything we want in life,  the one thing that  get in our way is our mind.

I have put together this "In Depth Study" based on my own personal journey, we will have 40 hours together to practice, share, discuss, ponder, write, have fun and dive deep into the what else there is.

With love Camilla

                                    For more info:    www.camillabergstrom.com   or   www.yogaroom.se

what could have….

I am driving on Genesse Ave this morning going north.
 I do this every day and every day I miss the green light and sit for the longest minute waiting to cross Sunset blvd.
This is the minute I turn around to scratch Jesper’s head and we both giggle.
 This morning the light is green and usually I might speed up a bit to try to catch it, this morning I slowed down, not really sure why, just had a feeling.
I get closer to Sunset and thinking; I guess I will make it today after all and I continue driving.
The sun is rising from east; it’s beautifully crisp after the rain last night. I had that feeling again.  The next thing I know there is a car  right in front of me running the red light going east on sunset.
 I slam the brakes and my car spins around. He keeps going.
I turn my head watching the car and internally cursing WTF!!  He is then a few inches away from hitting an older woman walking  across sunset from the north side. She is startled. It’s quiet. My heart is beating so fast. Other cars begin honking the horn.
 It was all a matter of a few seconds. For all of us.
 I usually try to avoid my mind going into the” Would have, Could have or Should have’s, since they truly are an illusion. They are past or future.
But this morning, as I pull the car over to go into the back seat and kiss my son and say out loud THANK YOU, I couldn’t help myself from thinking what could have happened. What if I didn’t slow down the car?
What if the pedestrian left her house two seconds earlier.
This morning could have…turned out a lot different for the woman, the driver, my son and I. But the day goes on and my heart got yet again cracked open and my mind reminded how precious life is and how many people aren’t so lucky as we were this morning.
 I can’t help from wondering if the driver is feeling as lucky?  Did he or she even realize what almost happened?
 Was he drunk, texting, being blinded by the sun or simply not paying attention? No matter what, he wasn’t present and definitely not mindful.
I can only wish this was his wakeup call. How close he was possibly destroying peoples and his own life.
 I have been overwhelmed by calmness today. What is there to worry about, stress about, and complain about?  We are here and our day goes on. For many others it doesn’t.
 
Who knows how many moments like this we're not even aware of happening in one day. What is around the corner we just missed, or who? It’s a trip when we think about how things happens in a matter of seconds, life can change from one moment to the next, Few things we are in control over, but the one thing we can control is how we respond.



 I choose to love life a little deeper today.

Love Camilla