Wednesday, September 3, 2014

saying goodbye to LA.

Here we go,

Starting the process of letting go and saying good bye.

I never thought I would say these words;

 I am leaving LA.

I’ve had a love relationship with LA since I was 18, I arrived by myself, lost, naïve and scared but very determent and anxious to get myself out in the world.
 LA wrapped its arms around me and I fit right in with all the other seekers, dreamers, loners, artists, rebels, outsiders, explorers and adrenaline junkies. It has been a fun ride filled with adventure and freedom.

 LA you helped me find my purpose, passion and love.

 However my dear city of angels, you are to me like an unavailable boyfriend who is too afraid to commit. You are always up to something, and this has been my thrill for the past 22 years. I have loved the uncertainty, not have to settle kind of a life. But I have changed and I want something different. I think I might have become an adult. :-)

You gave me the opportunity to create a beautiful life with a career which taps into my deepest purpose in life, to help people feel better.  Passion (horses) that make my spirit giggle. Finding out that I can wake up every morning being in love, in love with life.

 All this and more. I am so blessed, yes blessed to have been able to spend half of my life with you. I have nothing negative to say about you, and I have been defending you when people start complaining about you. Never understood why people stay in relationships of any kind if they are not happy.
 Anyway, I’m not leaving because I don’t love you anymore; I am leaving because I am now a mom.

 I have changed, and shifted so dramatically inside the past 19 months, I have been on a rollercoaster trying to keep up with all the emotions that arrives with being a mom, Jesper is the love of my life and I want to give him the best I possibly can. It’s time to create two things I have rejected my whole life.
Stability and security. I now crave it since becoming a mom.

In Sweden, Jesper will get to experience the land of fairies and friendly trolls. He get to fish crab from the ocean by the summer house. He will celebrate midsummer and dance the "little froggie dance"
(only the swedes will understand this one) He will be around family which in the end is the main reason why we are moving and for me what has become important.

I arrived here to have my son, this I am certain of. 
We found each other in the most beautiful and magical way which is the testimony how amazing life truly is when you live your heart and spirit and not in fear. We can truly have anything our heart desire.

Through the years living here I have met the most incredible people, some who stayed and some who left, there has been a golden thread created which keeps us connected no matter what.  I so wish I could get to squeeze all of you and say thank you for coming into my life, even if it was just for a second. But that would be impossible. This is why I wanted to write all this, to you and you know who you are.

Ok, my dear friends near and far. That was a lot!

LOVE Camilla

ps, we are leaving November 5th and I will have an estate sale where I will sell off EVERYTHING.
will let you all know date soon. 


Tara said...

Beautiful writing Camilla. So happy for you and Jesper, I think growing up in Sweden will be amazing! Sending you love and gratitude always. XOXO Tara

Anonymous said...

Camilla I totally understand how things change and evolve through the beauty of motherhood. Sweden with your family, stability, security, being with nature. all good things! So happy for you both! Keep in touch. Love Tenya

Jonathan D. said...

This is so moving Camilla. Sorry to see you leave but I want to thank you for the wonderful classes you have taught at the Y and City Yoga back in the day. You are an inspiration and I wish you and Jesper the best. I know he will be very blessed to grow up in Sweden. Lycka till!